So my weekend has truly sucked.  I've been trying to have a relationship with my brother, we never got along growing up and he's in the military so I've seen him maybe twice in the past 8 years.  He officially told me he doesn't care to have a relationship with me or my girls, and he will make sure our kids never bond either.  Talk about some heartbreaking...  He is my only sibling, and its obviously his loss because my girls are his only nieces, and he's missing out because they are the greatest, not that I'm biast at all ;)  but I tried and my parents can't say I didn't want the relationship at least.  Just hurts when your own flesh and blood flat out states they want nothing to do with you or your kids.

I decided to start this blog because life has been full of trials for myself, and my family.  As a teenager I use to write to vent because I didn't feel close enough to people to discuss my "problems".   I lost track of how much I loved writing, and with the trials that have come my way recently I decided this might be a good thing for me. 

A little bit about me-  I'm a wife and a mother of 2 georgous girls.  Miriam Adele is 17 months, and Trinity Faith is 5 months.  I have a bio brother, I call him my bio brother because we have no relationship (details to come).  I have 5 brother in laws and I have 3 sister in laws, technically 4 if you include my bio brothers wife.  The funny thing about my SIL's is 1 is my real one, 1 is my BIL's wife who doesnt like me and the 3rd is actually my FIL's cousin, she has no active dad and asked him to be her dad so he adopted her in that contex.  I have 2 amazing parents that support me, I also have amazing in laws.  I'm lucky to be one of the few to enjoy their in laws!

I've been searching our local area for mom's with children that have swollowing disorders.  My Trinity has a swollowing disorder.  I'm finally coming to terms with it.  Its hard to have a child and be their advocate.  I knew something wasn't right from the start.  I had to fight for the first 2 months to get any progress made.  My trip to the ER finally convinced our pediatrician a swollow study was in need.  She had to get an ultra sound to check for pylorus stenosis which was neg, we had switched her to every type of formula, and currently have hypoallergenic formula.  At her 2 month check/ follow up from the ER trip they also found a heart murmur, so a echocardiogram along with the swollow study were ordered.  Our pediatrican left us in the dark on most everything.  The speech therapist got overwhelmed during the swollow study, this is one of the most difficult ones she's done, not because Trinity wouldn't coroperate, but because they couldn't get a thickness right.  We did find the problem though and I finally got some answers.  I spent 2 months going to Childrens Hosp every week sometimes every 2 weeks for appointments.

Her swollowing disorder is that the nerves that control the opening and closing of the esphagus have not developed yet so when shes drinking her bottle its filling up her esphagus instead of going into her belly, which was the cause of the constant vomitting she was having.  At 2 months old we had a pediatrician, speech therapist, and a nutrionist.  My dad thought we was crazy to have a whole team of professionals for her.

Having Miri is the greatest thing, I named her after my late Grandma Powell.  Grandma was my best friend and this was the way I wanted to honor her.  Miriam is a handfull to say the least, she's very advanced for her age, we are at 17months going on 5 lol.  Having to deal with Miriam while trying to adjust to Trin's routine and needs was a handful for me, especially emotionally.  I have my hands full that is for sure, Miri wasn't fond of Trinity either, which didn't help the situation.  The things I share with Miri are the memories that will last forever, like last night we sat on the couch and ate Kiwi together.  I got a little choked up because with Trin's swollowing disorder I wont be able to share these moments with her until she's at least 2yrs old.  She is on a restricted diet, and she cannot eat anything that is really dry like pretzels or anything that releases juices like most fruits.  Everything she eats right now has to be close to a honey thickness.  It breaks my heart to have this happen to my baby girl.

I have joined a couple "mommy" groups on FaceBook trying to find someone to talk to and discuss the situation with that has experienced it or is currently experiencing it because our speech therapist told us there is alot of children at our pediatricians office that are going through this, so far I have yet to find one.  I shouldn't say that, there is a woman who fosters/adopts kids and she has a child going through that, and I know how much she loves her kids but for some reason I just can't connect with her.

I wish to write more but I have to go get my babies!!!